Day one.

This time, it will work.

It has to.

How many times can one girl fail before she's just tired of failing, and tired of being fat? I'm currently 218LBS and a size 20/22. When did this happen? It's only been 4 years since high school, when I was a size 16. Then again, no job will do that to a body.

All I do is sit on my butt on the computer. I get no exercise. And by "no exercise," I mean none. I have even stopped getting up to get myself something to drink, often asking my husband to do it for me. I disgust myself. But I haven't always. It wasn't until our recent vacation that I started to see it. When I take pictures, I never put my full body in them, so I never see myself. My mother-in-law took a lot of pictures of us this time around, and, to take the words out of her mouth, "You never see how fat you are until you see a picture of yourself." Damn, she couldn't be more right.

My husband is thin. He has a fast metabolism, and never has a problem with weight gain. I look STUPID next to him. I look like I'm going to eat him! It pains me to see pictures of us together. My fat alone could be used to make a replica of him.
Like I said, though... he's never had a problem with being overweight, and he just doesn't know how to help me. I need someone to help me, to push me, to help discipline me. I have no self-control.
I need someone to stop me from eating. Unfortunately, The Husband doesn't have that problem. He can, and will, eat everything in site and not gain a pound (it'll catch up someday; you can't have incredible metabolism forever, can you?!) I don't want to take all the sweets and junk food from him. He doesn't like fruit, or most veggies. What else will he eat?! He's already skin and bones.

My dad blames himself for all of our weight problems. When he was a kid, his dad gave each kid the same amount of food. My dad was the oldest of 5. When he was 15, his youngest brother was just a few years old, but got the same amount of food. Dad often went to bed still hungry. He didn't want that for my siblings and I, so paired up with my mom, who was raised learning how to cook from her mom who had 7 kids, we always had plenty of food, and often ate until we were bursting at the seams.

I blame my parents, but it's my fault. I don't move around. I sit in one spot and blob out everywhere. I'm gross.

I've tried in the past to lose weight. I have. I love fruits and veggies, and will eat them no problem. The problem is the price. And that they go bad so fast. I'm not working, so money is kind of tight right now, and is only going to get worse when we move out on our own.

This is really depressing me.